i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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