so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
