She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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