Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
