idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
