so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
