Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
