hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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