she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
