When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
