i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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