I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
