i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
