life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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