Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I looked at my own cervix.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
