One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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