so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize