he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
