just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
