dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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