Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
