I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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