Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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