what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
