like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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