if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
