don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
