dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
