I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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