At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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