On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
