last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
