i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
