I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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