and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
