Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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