this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
