You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
