Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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