i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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