I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
