I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
