I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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