Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
