I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
