I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do herpes really smell.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to be your penis for a week.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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