is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
