hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
