please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
