hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
