My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
