New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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