you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
