Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
