So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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