moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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