My first STD was from a foam party
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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