he was CRYING into my vagina
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
