id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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