But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
