turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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