Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
