i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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