Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
