we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
