I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize