You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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