I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
