clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
