She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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