I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize